P4

Link to script recording:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1FpnxX0zj59-NIb5E-pz2N-lCQfSy0uQq/view?usp=sharing


Feedback for script:

Feedback evaluation:
Two people from the class looked through my script and gave me feedback on things such as: grammar, punctuation, formatting and any changes made to characters, storyline and dialogue.
The feedback I received was good, but one or two of the responses needed to be more specific in order for those parts of the script to be changed.

Script changes:

What I changed to make my script better:

The main part of the script I changed was the shop scene on pages 3 and 4. I made the dialogue shorter and more casual to make it more snappy for the reader. Other parts that were changed included John's dialogue on page 7 after he has found out he has won the lottery and Michael's dialogue when he enters John's flat. The final changes I made to my script was on page 9, at the scene where Michael unexpectedly gets picked up by Patrick. I made the dialogue shorter to make it snappy and changed his action before he gets into the car to be more specific on the way he walks. I also added Patrick's facial expression and the car leaving to end the scene. Apart from that and the feedback which I received, I couldn't find any faults which needed to be changed.